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Was Jesus an Asshole?
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 5:03 am    Post subject: Was Jesus an Asshole? Reply with quote

http://www.shoutwire.com/comments/39598/Was_Jesus_an_Asshole_

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Recently, I involved myself in a debate with a holy man concerning whether or not Jesus was indeed a rotten bastard. Here are a few recorded actions in the bible which strengthen my case.

Jesus sends demons into pigs, then sends the pigs off a cliff
Some poor dude lost his bacon. This was bacon he probably worked very hard for. Imagine you are a poor pig farmer looking forward to having ham with your eggs when out of the blue a guy comes along and runs your flock off a cliff. To add insult to injury, he then claims they were possessed by demons. He also brings twelve guys with him in case you decide to get buck.

Jesus lies about prayer
This is a dirty lie. Just last night I prayed for a Ferrari. When I woke up this morning my garage was still empty. Jesus clearly states in the bible “Ask and ye shall receive.” If any of the readers here happen to run across this Jesus fellow in your daily travels, please let him know I got jipped. I also never received the harem of lesbians I asked for two years ago. I need these things.

Jesus kills a fig tree
Jesus must have hated farmers with a passion. Someone should have told him that one can not just go around destroying other peoples shit. Imagine again that you are a farmer with a fig tree. Some asshole comes along and kills your tree because it is not bearing fruit, even though it is not the right season for it to bear said fruit. No wonder this guy was crucified.

Jesus destroys the marketplace
Jesus not only hated farmers, he hated merchants as well. Actually, I think he may have hated anyone that worked, seeing as how he never worked himself. He may have been called a carpenter but I would be willing to bet he never seen a jobsite in his entire life. It is not right to just walk into a store and start throwing merchandise on the floor because you do not agree with the location. We have laws against that kind of childish behavior nowadays and rightly so.

Jesus is an attention whore
Jesus stated in the book of Mathew “lf you love your father, mother, sister, brother, more than me, you are not worthy of being mine.” This sounds like something a pimp would tell one of his hoes. It also brings forth an interesting question. What the hell did he do that was so good as to merit such adoration? At that point, he hadn’t yet “died for our sins” nor was it ever insinuated that he was actually the creator of everything. Why should anyone love him? All he ever did was run around breaking other peoples stuff.

A bad salesman?
Ok, let’s say you are the savior of all mankind and were sent to earth to deliver a message. Why speak in parables? If you got something that important to say the best route is just too simply spit it out. Say it, and say it clearly. You should probably also write it down so people can read it in the future. That is what is known as “good form”. Only a salesman that is trying to sell you something you don’t want has the need to use such tricks and tactics. Wait, maybe I’m on to something there…



Now, before anyone here decides to call me names, click the link. I think you will find a few of your fellow good xtians have already called me whatever you were thinking.

For the record, yes, I do believe this Jesus fellow was a zealous madman, much like Tom Cruise. That is, if he even existed, which is improbable at best.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 6:45 am    Post subject: Jesus was nice to siners and highly anti-religion Reply with quote

Wow, that makes great sense on the surface and seems highly uncrossexaminable ... best I can do is try a little persuasion to other ends, a building commentary.

Surly Jesus's love was/is/will-be a unrequited love by the lame. Why learn how to build when knocking something down is so much easier with the gravity assist occurs to the lame brain.

This just occured the instant I saw this post reviewing radio broadcast from yesterday.

Amazing how effective debate can be and how influencial words can be true/false/or-whatever. America settled on self evident truths and is the truest form of the tradition/classic Isrealite (not todays common Jewery stealing Israelite idenity-yep first idenity theft that made a difference the wrong way) and the path to self evident truths may be "pigs of a cliff" or "shuning family", etc. That is where Jesus behavior becomes more a principble.

Hear this radio message, love satires as informative and get ready for facts-be prepared to eat your own soups of tradgic ingrediants, Earthlings.

The contrite, pure (?) and totaly moronic souls are all that is left to save anymore. Look at the soup in the mirror --- that's your eternal banquet-it's you, yours and the product of YOUR choice.

See earilier posted reference- http://www.khouse.org This guests comments were very interesting about Bible and it's outside of our frame of references creations, suggesting time travels.

Way he explains things and I understand them, this experience we call reality is a remedial class to reinspect baggage before the troubles are taken away once and for all to a stronger remediation camp, very, very, very, few will ever graduate from this remediation and rejoin spiritual "humanity".

No worries and a eternity of meaning becomes reality.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 7:35 am    Post subject: Jesus Just a Goth - Not my work this article Reply with quote

From Shoutcast

or .. Jesus was a goth

The Proof
Jesus never referred to himself as goth. Everyone knows the gothest thing someone can do is deny he/she is a goth (case in point: Andrew Elritch and The Sisters of Mercy).


He is referred to as Lord Jesus. Even to this day, people call him Lord Jesus, much like other gothlings go by titles such as Lord Ashtoroth, or Lord Wolfbane. It wasn't so cheesy, in the beginning....


He was mocked by "normals." Even the gothest goth of them all was made fun of by ignorant rednecks and trendies.


Jesus was obsessed with death. Yes, he lived and breathed it, to to speak. He hung out in tombs with dead guys like Lazarus. He also spent time with lepers.


Jesus was secretly a vampire. At his last supper he said, "This cup means the new covenant by virtue of my blood." Transubstantiation is nothing but a fancy spell that changes wine into real blood! After all, how else could Jesus promise eternal life? In addition, when Jesus was up on the cross, the sun went dark so he wouldn't get those nasty sunburns vamps are so prone to.


He was always depressed. Think about it. What real Goth is ever happy? With all the exciting masochistic stuff he went through, is it any wonder that "Jesus wept?" He was, after all, known as the "man of sorrows."


Jesus was a great dresser. C'mon now. He might not have worn black all the time, but just take a close look at all those pictures we see of Christ. He wore long flowing robes, looking positively ethereal in white, or sombre in blood red. He wasn't afraid to pull gender-benders, either, which proved very influential to the San Francisco goth scene. He tended to wear a lot of dresses and skirts, yet somehow still look both undeniably male and sexy!. And check out the fashion accessories. A crown of thorns or funeral shroud are the epitome of angst-fashion.


He went to the coolest clubs and dens of iniquity. Jesus hung out with the real "alternative" crowd of the time. His buddies were tax-collectors, fetishists, and women of ill-repute. He also literally hung around with murderers (check out the cross scene), once again showing his fascination with death.


Christ surrounded himself with goth chicks. Mary Magdalene and Veronica were two of the first goth-chicks, but Jesus also has a horde of gothic groupies. How else would you describe all those nuns/brides of Christ? They wear all black and white, and are heavy into crosses, rosaries, and the contemplation of holy masochism.


He had the gaunt look down pat. You have to admit, few pictures you've ever seen of the guy had him rosy-cheeked and robust. The man was positively scrawny and white. He had cheekbones from Hell, and even his hipbones stuck way out.


He was big on crucifixes. Crosses are very goth. Jesus liked them so much that he would occasionally carry a huge one around with him. He was somewhat partial to ankhs too!


Christ was into body piercing. He only did it a few times, but what a statement he made with his piercings! He had a huge-guage piercing gun zap his hands, feet, and side. To top it all off, he did it all in front of an audience, making him one of the first performance artists. Here's a picture of his stage-hands helping him set up for his first piercing act.


Jesus was fascinated with the occult. When Jesus wasn't hanging around with whores and lepers, he was often out consorting with demons. He liked to find people possessed with evil spirits so that he could order the demons around. Once he even told a bunch of demons to go live in a herd of swine. To top it all off, he even went comparison shopping with Satan once. Here he is dissing the devil.


He spent time in tombs. Like I mentioned before, he hung out with Lazarus in one once, but there's much more to it. He once pretended to be dead for three days so that he could sleep in one. How goth can you get? I'll bet you never lived in a tomb. Only Christ, vampires, and Poppy Z. Brite characters get to do that.


Jesus knew how to party. Once he went to this wedding where everyone was a bunch of tight-asses. All they wanted to drink was water, but he fooled them. He went and switched wine (or was it absinthe?) for the water! Voila! Instant party!


Jesus was into kinky domination and submission. Okay, we all know that he liked to hang out with harlots. That's been quite established, even by the most zealous of right-wing Christians. But what did the big C do with these lovely ladies of the night? Well, he had them wipe his feet with their hair and tears. And let's not forget what he did to the moneychangers in his Dad's temple!

other thoughts on jesus

just a thought but god gets mary pregnant (mary was josephs wench)

wich makes god the earliest aduterer documented

yee shalt not commit adultery is one of the ten comandments

and god broke one

god is infalable aparently so ..

ergo he doesent exsist !

secondly this makes jesus a bastard

and bastards cant get into heaven .

go figure ..
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Last edited by rainbowbeamer on Thu Nov 23, 2006 7:45 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 7:41 am    Post subject: Nice Blip from Shoutcast Reply with quote

You shouldn't be so hard on Jesus. His dad's a prick.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 1:46 pm    Post subject: Ja - Jesus smoked Cannabis dats for sure Revelation 9:1-11 Reply with quote

hi hi hi...

...and that truth toting altruistic soul-Jah, was given an advanced carpentry lesson and held aloft with 3 nails to boot.

Not nice...

...so let's talk about the eejit leaders of that day (like today too). Cannabis illegal and Roman power with Tax money please.

Time for a change, only this time I bet Jesus is good at interneting...


And John 21:25

25 There are, in fact, many other things also which Jesus did, which, if ever they were written in full detail, I suppose, the world itself could not contain the scrolls written


So Just what else did Jesus do?

Did he drive a Harley up the Roman cause-way and upset the emporer?




Naaaah, those naughty lying scribes and pharasses, wouldn't want to mention the Cannabis... look over there, he's curing DEF people...

Ya lol...

1.......A
2.....B..C
3...D..E..F


who-ever Jesus was, it made an impression at 33CE

1 love and peace...
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm in serious doubt that he ever even existed. Hell, it's possible his supposed birth place didn't even exist "nazareth" in the first century AD when Jesus was supposed to be born.

http://www.bandoli.no/whyjesus.htm
http://www.geocities.com/stevenedw/jesusdidntexist.html
http://www.atheists.org/christianity/didjesusexist.html
http://www.nobeliefs.com/exist.htm

Jesus.....the man........the myth.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 9:18 pm    Post subject: Science Fiction Becomes Science Fact Reply with quote

Superman, Batman, Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, Airplanes, Rockets, Phone, TV, Computer .....

O.K., Jesus is a spell cast from the past, a pure fiction ..... Vegas giving odds on the arrival bet ....

"Hey stupid, man will never fly, that airplane ship does not and will not ever happen".

We know - we the nay sayers, we know !!!

Sure Jesus did not and will not exist ???
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Last edited by rainbowbeamer on Fri Nov 24, 2006 1:34 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 10:38 pm    Post subject: no one but da Vader eh... Reply with quote

...Santa clause is real; I've met him Razz

hi hi hi...
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 5:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I'm fairly sure that Jesus, the man as depicted in the bible fables, did not ever exist. Will he ever exist? Well, if he didn't already, it would be kinda impossible now, lol........That's like saying Zuess is going to exist one day because there are so many stories about him.
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“Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.”

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Police officers acquitted for beating a 64 yr old man recently in New Orleans. In the words of their defense attorney "all he had to do was comply"....and they wouldn't have fractured his face.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jason,

Is it the same Mr & Mrs Christmas that I know.

I keep bugging Mr Christmas, but he assures me that he does not go out Christmas eve in a sleigh. I am not having any of his lies I will be outside his house waiting for him. I want the first photo.

Please remember brothers and sisters, only us in the ministry know where santa lives. so keep it a secret.

Does anyone know of the dyslexic devil worshpper who sold his soul to Santa.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 2:28 pm    Post subject: Does anyone know of the dyslexic devil worshpper... Reply with quote

"
Does anyone know of the dyslexic devil worshpper who sold his soul to Santa.
"

lol

I thought we where just talking about him...



But here's da ting; Lucifer = Light bearer, Shining one... etc. (always has a lighter with him)

from http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lucifer&x=0&y=0

Interesting tings here, after going past the first lucifer is the devil stuff in the dictionary;

lucifer

- n 1: (Judeo-Christian and Islamic religions) chief spirit of evil and adversary of God; tempter of mankind; master of Hell [syn: Satan, Old Nick, Devil, the Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Tempter, Prince of Darkness]

- 2: lighter consisting of a thin piece of wood or cardboard tipped with combustible chemical; ignites with friction; "he always carries matches to light his pipe" [syn: match, friction match]

- brilliant star, a title given to the king of Babylon (Isa. 14:12) to denote his glory.

- Lucifer, bringing light

Which seems ta fit with Revelation 22:16



"
16 “‘I, Jesus, sent my angel to bear witness to YOU people of these things for the congregations. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright morning star.’”
"



no wonder he didn't drink much, he wanted an AM smoke Razz

ya agreed to; Keeping Santas locale secret... but I'll give a CLUe if anyone asks nicely...

lol
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 1:46 am    Post subject: Gregorian Calander - 2006 AFA (AD) Reply with quote

The Gregiorian calander is the time keeper after the "fallen angels". AFA.

From these angels we learned metalurgey and the rest - flashlights, etc.

As much as things change they remain the same.

Laws of physics the same for all in our dimensional reality. All like to eat and have sex and catch good BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

'Satan' is a smeer campaign, for those whose rule through fear-a natural human emotion to skillfully manage. 'Satans', the fallen angels, spaceship had a flat fire and crash landed ........... What was a peasent supposed to think when aliens had microwaves and did not truely understand people were not food following the examples here for the first few whiles. Got to be competitive right ???

Now, nuerotically practised, and from the past, all practisce 'magic' and the rest strange behaviors conjured to play on fear, through mystery, because of greed, spell you with a second rate behavior and hide a truth they have long since forgotten to influence you still unfairly today..... cool out, be equal and fair and eat as little meat as you can anymore. Or at least turn funerals into BBQs for Christ sake already - wait for things to die on their own already !!!! Get a meat fix that way --- yeah I know, me for Galatic Fuherer !!!

So, get what you can, tell what occurs back to you, but we can live in peace, no matter what --- just need to discover and enforse equalities. A grand Self Evident Truth.

We are getting there, now through 750,000 Middle Eastern deaths. No real equality over there yet. And plenty nuerotics to go fix.

But the food banks in Hawaii are rocking -- got ice cream this time and meat. Trying to go vegatar soon !!!!! Get some equality here in spite of turbulences still blowing in society from ILL INFORMED magic from the past appearing on stage today.
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

Matthew 7:3

Blessed are the eyes of those who see.
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A blurred vision of reality have those who believe in fairy tales as if it is an obsolute truth.

Ferre - 1.07
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Those who speak do not know." ~ some random dude
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