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Marijuana Jokes

 
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Echo
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 9:27 pm    Post subject: Marijuana Jokes Reply with quote

Here are a few Laughing
Feel free to add your own Cool

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"

Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!"

"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"


Some stoned dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says "got any weed?"

He says "no!"

So the stoner leaves.

The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter "Hey you got any weed?"

The man says "No I told you yesterday, we don't sell weed here."

So the Stoner leaves again.

The stoner walks in the next day and says "Got any weed?"

The clerk behind the counter says, "Look you fuckin burnout we don't sell weed here, if you come in here again, I'm goin to nail your fuckin teeth to the floor!!!"

So the stoner leaves.

He comes in the next day. "You got any nails?"

"No", the clerk replies.

The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, "You got any weed?"


Q. What is the difference between a politician and a stoner?

A. A politician doesn't inhale....they just suck.


There's a horny hippie on a bus which only has one other passenger on it, an elderly nun from a local parish.

The hippie is so in need of some free love that he approaches the nun and propositions her. Shocked that he would even think to ask her such a question, the nun pulls the line above her head and gets off the bus. Once she is gone, the bus driver calls the hippie over to him."Hey buddy, I know how you can get the nun to have sex with you."The hippie, excited by this asks how.

"Every night at midnight that same sister goes to the cemetery and prays by the statue of Saint Peter. If you dress up as Jesus and appear to her there she'll do anything you want!"

So the hippie gets a nifty Jesus costume together and goes to the cemetery at midnight.

Sure enough the sister is there, praying. He hides behind the statue and jumps out, saying "Sister, I am your God and I choose you to have sex with me."

The nun agrees, but asks if they can have anal sex so she can retain her virginity. The hippie, who is of the mindset that sex is sex, quickly agrees and does the deed.

When he's finished he's so proud of himself that he stands up, rips off his costume and screams "HAHA! I'm the hippie from the bus!!!!"

The nun stands, rips her habit from her head and screams "HAHA!!! I'm the bus driver!!!!"


OK, maybe they are old... but they made me smile Smile

Echo

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oldmanmozz
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Location: N.T. Australia

PostPosted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

claps



hipman
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Ferre
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 02, 2003 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

  • Q. What do you call a cop with ounce of primo pot?
    A. The f*ng cop who just busted me!

  • Q. How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A. They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in the back of Volkswagens!

  • A Cop pulls over a car full of stoners. The cop goes up to the car and the driver rolls down the window and the cop said "Congratulations! You have won two thousand dollars for wearing your seat belt!"
    The driver says, "Oh, I thought you pulled me over for not having a license!"
    Then the driver's girlfriend says, "Don't mind him, he's just stoned."
    Then a friend in the back seat says, "I thought you pulled us over for this pound of weed over here!"
    Then another friend from the back says, "I thought you pulled us for this stolen car!"
    Then the cop hears someone in the trunk say, "Are we over the border yet man?"

  • There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.
    To he first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alchol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alchol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.


    To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.


    The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".


    100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.
    The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?"

  • "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"

  • A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
    One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

  • A hippie was walking down the street one day when a pixie pounced on him. "Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie. "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be?" The hippie thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending jpint." So the pixie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized jpint. The hippie jacks it up and starts puffing. After five hits the jpint is still the same length. Next the pixie says, "...And number two?" The hippie replies, "This is so cool man! Gimme another one!"

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Echo
Cannabis Sacrament Minister
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Joined: 14 Apr 2003
Posts: 988
Location: UK

PostPosted: Sun Nov 02, 2003 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The one about the seat belt is so funny! My jaw hurts Laughing

Echo

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